How to stay mentally strong when dealing with a psychopath
How to recognize a psychopath?
Let's start with the fact that psychopaths may and appear totally normal. We are surrounded by them in our everyday lives. We don't even know it until we become their target and our reality shifts into a nightmare. You can meet them doing business, in your workplaces, in personal relationships. They employ the use of their smooth-talking skills to work their way up the ladder of success. They may lie in order to serve their purposes and can be very manipulative. They also tend to set impossible deadlines and make employees feel like they can never work hard or efficiently enough." Psychopaths often struggle with impulse control, which means they are very bad at long-term planning. People tend to imagine the worst possible pictures of monsters rating from rapists, pedophiles to serial killers, although a lot of violent and aggressive criminals are psychopaths, some successful individuals are also psychopaths.
Since the term psychopath is not an official diagnosis, experts refer to the signs described under ASPD. According to Masand, some of the more common signs to be aware of include:
- socially irresponsible behaviour
- disregarding or violating the rights of others
- inability to distinguish between right and wrong
- difficulty with showing remorse or empathy
- tendency to lie often
- manipulating and hurting others
- recurring problems with the law
- general disregard towards safety and responsibility
A new study conducted by researchers at Virginia Commonwealth University sheds light on the mechanisms underlying the formation of this "successful" phenotype. When describing certain psychopathic individuals as "successful" versus "unsuccessful," the researchers are referring to life trajectories or outcomes. A "successful" psychopath, for example, might be a CEO or lawyer high in psychopathic traits, whereas an "unsuccessful" psychopath might have those same traits but is incarcerated.
It was discovered that successful psychopaths have a high level of conscientiousness. It is true that all psychopaths have the same futures and show off similar traits such as:
- being exploitive
- dishonest
- careless
- having little or no remorse
- arrogance
- shifting blame to others
- Being shallow-minded also lack empathy
Typical characteristics include - carefree and charming, aggressive, selfish and are experts at dealing with people.
Opposed to successful psychopaths, typical psychopaths have a low level of conscientiousness, which implies they are more impulsive, irresponsible and negligent than successful ones. Therefore, they are more likely to get caught whenever they commit crimes. Successful psychopaths are sleek with their modus operandi and are rarely caught which explains why they occupy several enviable positions rather than being behind bars. They possess traits such as being immune to stress which is an added advantage in business and office settings. This enables them to remain calm in the eye of the storm. They are skilled at wielding influence over others and stay fearless amid crises, so despite having a dark side to their personalities, they move higher in business and get promoted in their workplaces due to their good sides.
According to Judy Rosenberg, Ph.D., an LA-based psychologist and author whose valued professional input, a psychopath is someone who can severely threaten your well-being, physically and/or emotionally. “There’s a quality of the worse you feel, the better he feels,” she says.
“Somebody who’s a true psychopath has absolutely no empathy at all.”
Some marked features of a true psychopath, as she explains it, are severe paranoia, a high degree of narcissism, intense projection of rage or insecurity on others, and a general penchant for sadism. To put it bluntly, Dr. Rosenberg says,
“They don’t mind cutting your jugular.”
A workplace that functions underneath the command of a psychopath will be very hostile and will seem very personal. Psychopathic bosses can turn employees against each other, allowing the abuse to pile up. This is because they don’t care about their employees as fellow humans.
“You become a function, not a person,”
Dr. Rosenberg reveals. “You’re just a thing to be used and if you have needs that’s not OK because they’re not his needs.” If you’re feeling used and abused by your boss, there’s an excellent chance that your coworkers are feeling the same way. In these circumstances, some individuals will bond together while others will become nasty or conniving in order to trump their coworkers in an effort to win favour with the big boss. Now you’ve got to watch your back from all angles. Psychopaths do not stop being psychopaths. As Dr. Rosenberg previously stated, they are fundamentally devoid of empathy, and nothing will change that. You can keep trying to please your boss by performing well, but he will always be the same person. The question then becomes whether you can take it or not.
According to Dr. Rosenberg, the end result is completely empty and destructive.
“They continue to use people until no one wants to be around them,”
she explains. Their psychopathic behaviour may even eventually lead to the company's demise. If your boss is a psychopath, he or she will push you to your mental breaking point. Your boss is not going to change, so something else has to, and inevitably, you are the one who will have to make that change. No matter how much you try to ingratiate yourself to bosses like these, there will never be a lasting positive outcome.
" If you please them," Dr. Rosenberg says, " you are good for a moment. If you can't, you are not good and if they can replace you they will because you are just an object."
When it comes to psychopaths, you are utterly disposable. They will treat you and your coworkers like pigs to the slaughter; they don’t anticipate you to last, but while you do they will squeeze every bit of usefulness out of you that they can. Psychopathic bosses will make incredible demands of you and berate you whether you meet them or not. They will emotionally and physically exhaust you. You have to realize that either you will continue to suffer or you will be fired/quit.
How to stay strong when dealing with psychopaths?
Unfortunately, most of us at one point or another must have encountered or been around a psychopath or some time and this includes in business or in the workplace. Could be your client, subordinate, boss or colleague. We all agree that is so much stress dealing with them and it only takes a proactive approach to get them off your back. We can study the way they behave and decide to stay off the grid. Here are a few steps on how to stay mentally strong when you are dealing with a psychopath.
Don’t be intimidated and even if you are don’t show it. A major sign in a characteristic of a psychopath is that they resort to the use of aggression and threats to control other people. They will stand over you when talking and it doesn’t take much to get them to spew insults and threats. What you should do is to stand your ground, look them in the eyes squarely and show them that you are not scared of them and their threats.
Learn and practice how to keep your cool when the storm is raging. Learn to keep calm and watch them as they act out because when you lose your cool around them, you give them the power to control the way you react to things. Of course, this gives them power over you, and you are like putty in their hands. Even when they act irrationally let them know that they cannot control your emotions by staying calm through it.
They know just how to shift the blame to others, don't give them a listening ear. Psychopaths tend to smoothly and swiftly shift the blame to other people. When they realize their own game is closing up on them, pay no attention to the excuses they will come up with, and most importantly show no sympathy to their seeming problems, as this means that you played right into their hands. They will do all they can to prove to you that they are really the victims of this situation or circumstance, do not buy that as it is all a facade.
Find a way to steer the conversation in their direction. One of the most effective ways of making a psychopath inactive around you is pointing out their flows to them. They hate that act. Find a habit always to direct the flow of conversation back to themselves and their flawed actions which will make them powerless, and will definitely annoy them, because they want to talk about anything else but themselves. They feel insecure and exposed whenever the spotlight is beaming on them.
Studies show that spending a lot of time and this includes working and doing business with a psychopath does a real bad number on both your physical and mental health. The best advice is to avoid them entirely as the best way to remain safe. However, this may involve a lot of stress, risks and losses for you and your organization. You will be putting a lot on the line just to stay away from the toxicity of psychopaths. This move will be worth it in the long run because by then you'll probably be working with better people who will add a lot of value to your life. In instances where you can't completely avoid a psychopath, you have to protect your mental strength by getting proactive and trying your best to avoid having issues with them. A great way to deal with such people is especially when working in an organization is to keep a log that records any case of intimidation and bullying and eventually send that record to the human resources desk. This will certainly help to put a psychopath in check around you and other normal people.
As soon as you've come to terms with this unfortunate reality, you'll need to decide how you're going to proceed next. Since your boss and work environment haven't been particularly pleasing, it's time to evaluate yourself. If you want to stay, there are only two choices: stay or leave. What if I stay? According to Dr. Rosenberg,
if you stay, it means that there’s something not quite right with you either. “Codependent people would love this dynamic, for example, because they’re trying to get the holy grail; the star on the report card. [They think], ‘If I please this person then I’ll finally be loved.'” If you keep trying to work hard for this person and make this person happy, it’s reflective of your own psychological need to please and to seek approval.
If you really need this job, you might start to convince yourself that the situation at work isn’t actually as bad as you think it is. Everybody has a tough boss, right? Well, yes and no. There’s a difference between a tough boss and a psychopathic one. While your peers may have a tough boss and be able to get by, that doesn’t mean that your situation is the same. Dr. Rosenberg explains, “A tough boss is just somebody who blows up at you, but they don’t cross those lines. Tough is playing fair. But playing threatening, playing means—the four D’s: demean, devalue, destroy, discard—that’s just another level.” If your boss is consistently demeaning you, devaluing you, and destroying you, that’s dealing with a psychopath.
This article was mostly about our work environment, but it could easily apply to personal relationships, in any event, seek advice, tell a friend, and most importantly shield yourself. That being said, please share your story below in the comments. Did you have a similar experience and how did you deal with it. Did you have to leave your job and search for another or you had to heal from the traumatizing experience?
This was so helpful, Thank you!
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